Darkness ...... Silence......

Darkness is a word to describe of my own feeling in term of dealing with a person who contracted with some kind of disease which CANNOT BE cured or saved or go for surgery or treatment. Darkness is very dull word to descibe the various of diseases appear suddenly without knowing or else.

Silence is a terrible word to describe of my loss feeling which I cannot think or believe of what I have seen in my real life to face up. Silence is a difficult word which shut out of my mind and I really do not know what to say to my dearest one.

Yesterday I went straight to see my father at Toa Payoh area after received shocking sms from my sis and mother. I had a bad nervous and thought something happened to him. He and I are staying seperately. When I see this sms from my sis, I knew something will going to happen to him and in end I burst into crying heavily. Cannot hold it myself and felt like lost in control. I was very very ANGRY with this kind of cruel disease of my father has. Why must He has this ? Why him?

Rushed to TPY and shocked to see my father's condition getting worse than last year I last visited him. Told myself not to show my face tear to him but I could not control and keep blaming on those diseases. Even I was told that he may not live longer. When I heard this and I kept saying NO WAY and disliked to hear this horror sentence.

I kept looking at my father while he looked at his skin rash to relief the itch and still keep smile at me, my bro and my dear despite of bad condition of disease he already has at that stage. Felt very very painful and upset to see him suffering too much. Even I cannot hug him or else I may get from him.

He even cannot come out to walk longer or else he cannot breathe properly, he cannot sleep well because of itches disturbing him, he cannot drink water or else he will feel pain inside his mouth or throat, he even cannot eat anything execpt soft bun which is tar sau. Very painful to see him like this.

No advance medicine or surgery can save him but miracle praying do may help abit I may believe abit and abit... All I want him to live longer and less disease to vanish. I want him to stay strong & live till if he can survive. My wish is that I want him to walk down on aisle with me on my coming church wedding.

I wont name this disease and please show alittle respects for me.